Watch me now, I'm changing even as your eyelids bat out their soft rhythm. It's an evolution; metamorphasis. Will it be for the better, or will I be worse for it? Who can tell? All I know is that there's no stopping this, and that I don't want to.

So many firsts, so many things happening around me, to me. My grandmother died. I finally started clearing out my closet of skeletons, again. I've fallen hopelessly in love. My art is taking on a life of its own--what art I can manage to create between class projects. And my precision seems to be improving in those as well.

I've been so depressed, so sad. And yet, at the same time I'm so overwhelmed by love that this fades and blends into my joy. It's the bittersweet symphony of my life; and it is beautiful. How can I be sad when I hear the sound of his voice? How can I cry when his music makes me want to dance? Is there anything more beautiful on this earth than his artists' hands, his eyes when they look down into mine with the light of passion? That part of me that has for so long frightened and therefore been hidden from others--this is the part he rouses and loves most of all. From the darkness my soul rises and embraces this welcome evolution, this man who has allowed me to become even more truly and completely myself.

There is nothing, *nothing* in this universe so overwelming and wonderful as loving completely and being loved in return. I won't hold back; I don't have to.

And at the same time, I am grieving the end of several chapters in my life. Foremost among them my grandmother's passing... she was 60, and it happened very suddenly. The funeral was last week, so I was down in Florida so that I could go to that. It's been very confusing emotionally, as my joy and my sorrow keep on vying for attention... but I think I've just got to accept that it can't and won't make sense, and ride it out. Why fight what I can't control? It will resolve itself.

So that's my life, my evolution. The basics are still the same, and I'm still the same person. I'm just a freer version of me.